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How do you stop conflict?

  • How do you find a solution when a solution seems impossible?

  • How do you handle someone who is crying or yelling at you?

  • How do you settle cases better and more efficiently?

Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension, shares key strategies and inspirational treasures to resolve disputes, settle cases, and re-channel arguments. Hesha, an internationally renowned master mediator with tens of thousands of hours in the trenches of challenging human conflict, reveals pragmatic, practical wisdom in easy to digest bites that are proven to work with real people.

Published by Berrett Koehler distributed by
Penguin Random House
July 26th, 2022


Hesha Abrams, Esq.

Hesha is an internationally acclaimed master attorney mediator, known for crafting highly creative settlements and resolutions in very difficult matters. She has the unique talent to manage big egos and strong personalities with a keen ability to create synergy amongst the most diverse personality types, driving them toward agreement. By Holding the Calm, she has created settlements worth billions of dollars and saved clients billions more using her innovative approaches to deal making. She now specializes in crafting innovative solutions for complex or difficult matters and has resolved thousands of cases, both large and small, in every conceivable area during her career. This is how she developed Holding the Calm and identified the secrets that will enable you to know how to approach every situation to prevent explosions, disarm conflicts, settle cases, and reduce drama. Holding the Calm is Hesha’s insightful, practical, and easy to use tool kit, forged in the trenches of resolving human conflict. It is her contribution to help make our world, our businesses, and our relationships a little more harmonious.

Holding The Calm Table of Contents


Ken Blanchard, the best-selling author of The One Minute Manager and 64 other best-selling titles

Colonel Mark Flitton, United States Army Psychological Operations Command

Part 1

Words and What To Do With Them

1) You Talk to People for a Living?

2) Speak into the Ears that Hear You

3) Almost, Never, Always, Rarely, A Lot.

4) How to Listen to What Is Not Said

5) The Magic of Silence

6) High Emotions Are Diagnostics, Not Symptoms.

Part 2

Situational Awareness: Reading the Room

7) There Is No Problem, Only a Solution Waiting to Be Found - Find the Self-Interest
8) Be the Grown-Up In the Room
9) Winning? Or Not Losing? Leave Them with Their Sword
10) When Everything Is Hitting the Fan
11) Us Versus Them Mentality -- But I Am So Reasonable!
12) It’s a Dollar and She Lives In a Hut –- The Dangers of Over-negotiating and Negotiating with Jerks

Part 3

People Are Weird and Wonderful

13) The Blame Game

14) Politeness and Civility Matter

15) We're All Animals in the Zoom

16) A Dozen Roses - Seeking Advice

17) Cultural and Disability Considerations

Part 4

Bringing It Home, Closing the Deal, Solving the Problem, Settling the Case, and Resolving the Dispute

18) Create Small, Winnable Victories

19) Don't Take No for an Answer

20) Going Postal--Cured

Part 5

Holding the Calm Toolbox

The 20 secrets that will unlock the power to defuse tense situations and resolve conflicts.


Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension

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