How do you
stop conflict?

  • How do you find a solution when a solution seems impossible?
  • How do you handle someone who is crying or yelling at you?
  • How do you settle cases better and more efficiently?

Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension, shares key strategies and inspirational treasures to resolve disputes, settle cases, and re-channel arguments. Hesha, an internationally renowned master mediator with tens of thousands of hours in the trenches of challenging human conflict, reveals pragmatic, practical wisdom in easy to digest bites that are proven to work with real people.

Published by Berrett Koehler distributed by
Penguin Random House
July 26th, 2022

“You are amazing at what you do and how you approach it – world class, really. This book is an extension of that. Like reading a book from Tiger Woods about putting, or Celine Dion about hitting sustained long notes, or Steven Spielberg on story telling – even if one can’t perfectly reproduce the lessons of the master, the reader will become better at their craft by studying the master.”

Alan Fisch, Esq.
Fisch Hoffman Sigler, LLP
Washington DC

Holding the Calm helps the reader understand the complex dynamic of intractable conflicts. Hesha’s extraordinary breadth of experience is shared in bite size truths that make practical application very easy. While the other books espouse different theories, Holding the Calm unpacks conflict and helps all of us, whether a mediator, negotiator, employer or even a parent—find practical and creative solutions to difficult situations. It is a must read and a book that you will want to refer to again and again.”

Cindy Hallberlin, Esq.
General Counsel and Compliance Officer
Digital Health Institute for Transformation NYC

“Hesha is one of the rare people on the planet who was put here with a mission: to use her compassion, intellect, creativity and talent to help people in conflict find peace. Her work as a mediator and peacemaker has been inspiring to other mediators and her skill set is beautifully displayed in this very personal and very powerful new book. Hesha speaks from the heart, not just from her brilliant head. Read it and, more importantly, incorporate it into your practice. Her successes are legendary, and her passion is inspiring.”

Kay Elliott, Esq.
Attorney-mediator-coach for ADR advocates
Texas A&M School of Law

“If everyone were to know what Holding the Calm reveals, the world would be a considerably different place.  In crisp and accessible fashion, holding the Calm sheds light on how to overcome some of the most perplexing issues businesses and humans experience.  I laughed, nodded, and underlined text the whole way through.“

Chris Gasper, Esq.
Milbank
New York, NY

“I’ve read your book and understand now more than ever why you’re so good at what you do.  It needs to reach a wide audience.”

Judge A. Joe Fish
U.S. District Court NDTX

“This book absolutely rocks.  We have so many colleagues that pen books that are so densely filled with medical or legal terminology or shorthand that they are inaccessible gibberish to the average reader.  Then there are the volumes of mystical weirdness that encourage people to hug each other in a cosmic field filled with lavender and Skittles until their chakras fall out.  Your book is direct and practical.  Every reader will learn something new, or reimagine their current approach to conflict, regardless of their current skill level. Thank you for unleashing this knowledge into the universe!  I’m already waiting for the sequel!”

David Aaron DeSoto, Esq.
Mann Law Firm PLLC
Houston, Texas

“Sometimes it seems like anger, conflict, and aggression define the human condition.  Hesha’s book provides the perfect antidote. A must read for anyone who navigates life’s difficult conversations – mediators, negotiators, salespeople, employees, employers, committee heads – the list is endless. You’re guaranteed to improve your responses and your results!”

Sarah Caverhill, Vice President Sales
The Ken Blanchard Companies
Co-Author Your Leadership Legacy
Atlanta, GA

“Transcending the courts, and offering huge value to business, Hesha smartly delivers wisdom and power gleaned from a lifetime in mediation. All organizations hold “guards to the gates of change” that may be detrimental to growth and value. Though difficult to identify, people, and the processes they control, often reveal themselves only when they “draw swords” to defend positions or status quo regardless of evidence or rational thought. Holding the Calm provides a playbook of techniques leaders can draw upon to help their “guards” capture new opportunities available to the business while preserving the valuable of the present.“

Rod Hightower
Past Fortune 500 executive, Private Equity President, CEO

“As an intellectual property litigator for more than 30 years and manager of attorneys and clients for many of them, Hesha is correct that most conflict focused decision making typically comes from a place of fear. Once one understands that and the particular fears that are in play, you can use the tools outlined in this terrific book, provided in an easy to understand and relatable form, to move difficult people and problems to a successful conclusion. The insights provided in this book are important to understand for anyone dealing in conflict, not just mediators.”

Robert Brunelli, Esq.
Sheridan Ross PC
Denver, Co

“Hesha Abrams is a tour de force and so too is Holding the Calm. Drawn from 30+ years of high-stakes mediations, Hesha opens the door to exploring the human psyche. And that’s where the real magic is: understanding people, their motivations, their fears, their need for validation. All aimed at the noble calling of finding peace. Let’s hope for a sequel - this writer has more to offer.”

Craig Florence, Esq.
Foley & Lardner
Dallas, Texas

“Don't be fooled by this easy, fun read by a master mediator and deal maker. Beneath the surface lies pattern recognition and insight from decades in the trenches of strident conflict informed by recent advances in social and brain science. This brilliant book sits at the corner of theory and practice ready to improve your game on Monday.”

Don Philbin, Jr. JD, MBA
LLMADR Toolbox

“Hesha pours her wisdom, intuition, and gravitas into this powerful book which pulls back the curtain to reveal some of her extraordinary secrets and skills.  Simply put, Hesha is the best mediator in the business. Hesha has polished her abilities to the point where they are truly out-of-this-world great. This real page-turner of a book is jam-packed full of her experiences and anecdotal stories and contains important information for any lawyer who wants to better serve their clients through meaningful negotiation advocacy.”

Dawn Estes, Esq.
Estes Thorne Carr
Dallas, TX

Recent Media

How to avoid classic conflicts as families gather for the holidays

Communication often fails when the whole family gets together for the holidays. Hesha has some tips on keeping your cool even when it might be hard.

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Holding The Calm in the top 12 Best Business Books for 2022

Conflict and tension define the client-advisor relationship. The conflict between expectations and reality, the tension between risk and reward. The magic of Holding the Calm is a gift for any advisor who can lean into its discipline.

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Ways to Navigate Negativity in the Workplace

Learn how to handle work place negativity instead of sending out resumes.

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How to Resolve Conflict In Your Family with Hesha Abrams

Hesha gives away her SECRET WEAPON TIPS for defusing conflict in your family! This is a must-see episode for anyone butting heads with their Ex, Child, or Teenager.

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What do you do when there's conflict in your team?

PODCAST The Modern Manager talks with Hesha about what we do wrong that makes it harder to resolve conflicts and we learn practical approaches to addressing conflict more effectively.

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Negotiate Anything

PODCAST "This is our most popular episode since joining the LinkedIn Podcast Network." Hesha talks Kwame Christian about creating small winnable victories and shares some great tips on how to deal with angry or emotional people.

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Media Sheet

Experience Holding the Calm:
The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension today