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How do you stop conflict?

  • How do you find a solution when a solution seems impossible?

  • How do you handle someone who is crying or yelling at you?

  • How do you settle cases better and more efficiently?

Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension, shares key strategies and inspirational treasures to resolve disputes, settle cases, and re-channel arguments. Hesha, an internationally renowned master mediator with tens of thousands of hours in the trenches of challenging human conflict, reveals pragmatic, practical wisdom in easy to digest bites that are proven to work with real people.

Published by Berrett Koehler distributed by
Penguin Random House

Hesha Abrams, Esq.

Hesha Abrams is an internationally acclaimed master attorney mediator, negotiator and deal maker who, for 30 years, is renowned for her success in resolving high profile or difficult matters, including mediating the case over the secret recipe for Pepsi. She has worked with Google, Amazon, Facebook, IBM, Verizon, and other large multinational companies, individuals, inventors and small businesses, creating deals, and solving cases. Her popular new book, “Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension", is an insightful, practical, and easy to use guide to defuse tension, eliminate conflict, and make deals. Most people are so afraid of conflict. It raises their blood pressure, makes them nervous or afraid and aggressive when that is their only tool. She wrote Holding the Calm as a way to share real tools that actually work so that people can benefit from her experience and resolve conflict and defuse tension in their corner of the world.


Hesha has worked all over the world with parties from around the globe in complex commercial, business, and patent licensing deals. She taught mediation and negotiation at the Hague International Symposium on Negotiation and Conflict Resolution. She was on the national panel for Dow Corning Implant cases and was the Chair of the Texas Bar Intellectual Property ADR Committee. She has been appointed Delegate to the Fifth Circuit Judicial Conference, was elected as a fellow of the Texas Bar Foundation and received the Brutsché Award for Excellence in Mediation from the Association of Attorney Mediators. She is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. For further information, see

Holding The Calm Table of Contents


Ken Blanchard, the best-selling author of The One Minute Manager and 64 other best-selling titles

Colonel Mark Flitton, United States Army Psychological Operations Command

Part 1

Words and What To Do With Them

1) You Talk to People for a Living?

2) Speak into the Ears that Hear You

3) Almost, Never, Always, Rarely, A Lot.

4) How to Listen to What Is Not Said

5) The Magic of Silence

6) High Emotions Are Diagnostics, Not Symptoms.

Part 2

Situational Awareness: Reading the Room

7) There Is No Problem, Only a Solution Waiting to Be Found - Find the Self-Interest
8) Be the Grown-Up In the Room
9) Winning? Or Not Losing? Leave Them with Their Sword
10) When Everything Is Hitting the Fan
11) Us Versus Them Mentality -- But I Am So Reasonable!
12) It’s a Dollar and She Lives In a Hut –- The Dangers of Over-negotiating and Negotiating with Jerks

Part 3

People Are Weird and Wonderful

13) The Blame Game

14) Politeness and Civility Matter

15) We're All Animals in the Zoom

16) A Dozen Roses - Seeking Advice

17) Cultural and Disability Considerations

Part 4

Bringing It Home, Closing the Deal, Solving the Problem, Settling the Case, and Resolving the Dispute

18) Create Small, Winnable Victories

19) Don't Take No for an Answer

20) Going Postal--Cured

Part 5

Holding the Calm Toolbox

The 20 secrets that will unlock the power to defuse tense situations and resolve conflicts.


Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension

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